The upcoming season promises to be action packed, with wonderful promotional nights for its dozens of fans.
November 17-Blank Magentic Schedule Night ( we have no idea of who will play or when, so fill it in as we go )
December 11-Preparation H Night. ( by now you have realized that the ABA is nothing but a pain in the ass )
January 22-ABA Dance Team Only Night. ( another cancelled game, but the infamous ABA dance teams will perform. Players aren't the only ones in the ABA who dribble and bounce )
January 30-Joe Newman Toupee Toss ( styrofoam heads will be at mid court, all 15 fans will be given an authentic Joe Newman toupee replica. Closest to the head wins a subscription to PlayOn Sports coverage of an ABA game of your choice. ........the loser gets 2 !!! )
promotional nights for the ABA
WHAFAN........LOVE the line that the loser gets two!!
However, ESPN just interrupted SportsCenter about 7 minutes ago. Apparently Joe Newman, CEO of the ABA has put together a promo called "Clap Night". Check this out, this will really impress Turner Sports.
Since the only sound you hear at an ABA game....more than 89.65% of the time anyway......is a single clap when there is a basket, Joe thought it would be great to have "Clap Night". Come to the ticket window (don't worry, there will be no lines) with a prescription from a local pharmacy indicating it is for the "Clap", and receive 2 free tickets.
"It is our goal and vision to spread the Clap around the ABA, and really get the fans, family and dance teams involved", Newman stated.
However, ESPN just interrupted SportsCenter about 7 minutes ago. Apparently Joe Newman, CEO of the ABA has put together a promo called "Clap Night". Check this out, this will really impress Turner Sports.
Since the only sound you hear at an ABA game....more than 89.65% of the time anyway......is a single clap when there is a basket, Joe thought it would be great to have "Clap Night". Come to the ticket window (don't worry, there will be no lines) with a prescription from a local pharmacy indicating it is for the "Clap", and receive 2 free tickets.
"It is our goal and vision to spread the Clap around the ABA, and really get the fans, family and dance teams involved", Newman stated.
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TheStandard
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Jim Jones Flavor-Aid Memorial night right at Anderson.
For 10k you get a flavorful grape drink and get ready to pass out!
For 10k you get a flavorful grape drink and get ready to pass out!
Mean Spirited Blogger # 8
ABAish: Created By TheStandard
ABAish:Not Playing 99% of your games but you satisfy your self less than 50% Lack Of Promotion Of Your Team, Not Paying your players, Playing in a High School with non regulation lines or Half Court, Playing with Wal-Mart Uniforms, Playing with Mismatched Socks, Posting lies about your league, Posting things that are not basketball or really league related, Calling others Unethical and Immoral, Being Joe Newman.500 Charcters suck.
ABAish: Created By TheStandard
ABAish:Not Playing 99% of your games but you satisfy your self less than 50% Lack Of Promotion Of Your Team, Not Paying your players, Playing in a High School with non regulation lines or Half Court, Playing with Wal-Mart Uniforms, Playing with Mismatched Socks, Posting lies about your league, Posting things that are not basketball or really league related, Calling others Unethical and Immoral, Being Joe Newman.500 Charcters suck.
[quote=""abie10""]i think OSC should make a parody board so that all these posts can be in one forum. it would be sorta like the onion, that way you keep the real conversations separate from these ones...[/quote]
The ABA IS a parody of professional basketball. Are there any real conversations here? There are 3 main topics concerning the ABA:
1-which team folded last night
2-who is the new sucker to fall for this crap
3-did the new owners check clear.
End of conversations !
The ABA IS a parody of professional basketball. Are there any real conversations here? There are 3 main topics concerning the ABA:
1-which team folded last night
2-who is the new sucker to fall for this crap
3-did the new owners check clear.
End of conversations !
WHAFAN - let me be the first to say you are about to be crowned the King of Comedy on here. This and other posts have been a riot.
We could also have...................
- Bounce a basketball faster than an ABA check night.
-the Dash for the Cash promotion. Kind of like when the XFL used to decide who received the ball for the opening kickoff where the two fastest players raced up to the ball. Take the 12 home players and the 6 away players who showed up and have them all race to center court to see who gets a paycheck that is guarenteed to clear.
- a HITCHIN' 2 HALIFAX free trip for one lucky fan. One lucky fan gets to go to beautiful Halifax Nova Scotia. You will hitchhike up to the border, somehow or other convince Canadian border officials you posses enough money so you aren't a drag on society, hitch to Halifax and watch the big game between WindJammers and your local team. A free cardboard sign with HALIFAX written on it is included.
- a free ABA hammer . Any time you are thinking of buying an ABA franchise simply hit yourself in the head with the ABA hammer, when you come to your senses, stop.
- Feed a player TV commercial. Ever seen those well meaning celebs wandering through a desolate village in Africa asking you to sponsor a child? Well here you can sponsor a player. You will get a letter once a year, a photo of your player and a free ABA postcard. On the back of the postcard is Joes' address and a little box that says "SEND ME INFO ABOUT AN ABA FRANCHISE"
- Join the team at an all you can eat buffet night , winner gets to volunteer at the local soup kitchen to help cook, clean, serve the food and then sit down and eat beside the visiting team. But the fun doesn't stop at dinner. Oh no. You two can find a bed in the homeless shelter next down and spend the night in the same dorm as the visiting team.
- A FREE TRIP TO HAWAII night. one lucky fan will win a roundtrip to Honolulu on the airline that Joe has worked out his special deal with.
We could also have...................
- Bounce a basketball faster than an ABA check night.
-the Dash for the Cash promotion. Kind of like when the XFL used to decide who received the ball for the opening kickoff where the two fastest players raced up to the ball. Take the 12 home players and the 6 away players who showed up and have them all race to center court to see who gets a paycheck that is guarenteed to clear.
- a HITCHIN' 2 HALIFAX free trip for one lucky fan. One lucky fan gets to go to beautiful Halifax Nova Scotia. You will hitchhike up to the border, somehow or other convince Canadian border officials you posses enough money so you aren't a drag on society, hitch to Halifax and watch the big game between WindJammers and your local team. A free cardboard sign with HALIFAX written on it is included.
- a free ABA hammer . Any time you are thinking of buying an ABA franchise simply hit yourself in the head with the ABA hammer, when you come to your senses, stop.
- Feed a player TV commercial. Ever seen those well meaning celebs wandering through a desolate village in Africa asking you to sponsor a child? Well here you can sponsor a player. You will get a letter once a year, a photo of your player and a free ABA postcard. On the back of the postcard is Joes' address and a little box that says "SEND ME INFO ABOUT AN ABA FRANCHISE"
- Join the team at an all you can eat buffet night , winner gets to volunteer at the local soup kitchen to help cook, clean, serve the food and then sit down and eat beside the visiting team. But the fun doesn't stop at dinner. Oh no. You two can find a bed in the homeless shelter next down and spend the night in the same dorm as the visiting team.
- A FREE TRIP TO HAWAII night. one lucky fan will win a roundtrip to Honolulu on the airline that Joe has worked out his special deal with.
Paul S., gotta admit, that last post of yours was hysterical, but I will also agree with you that WHAFAN is the King of Comedy......then again he has plenty of material to work with; we ARE talking about the ABA and Joe Newman here. Good God, how much more joke fodder do you need? Larry the Cable Guy will run out of redneck jokes before there is a shortage of ABA jokes. Hell, we will run out of ABA Dance Teams before we run out of ABA jokes.....well, maybe not dance teams, but redneck jokes.
