so many creative people out there..lets put your talents to good use

[a1sports]

Lets see who can come up with the best headline about the ABA.

For example:


3-D lights fall, Kill ABA player during game

or

ABA Visiting Team fails to show for game, Home team still loses

[Fells]

"Utica Wreckers fly to China, Communism ends."

[Chuck the Writer]

WOMAN ABANDONS SIX CHILDREN AT ABA GAME FOR TWO HOURS
Returns after kids beat Houston Takers 199-66

[Fells]

"New ABA franchise in Indianapolis--The Indy McMuffins"

[ABARedWhiteBlue]

Jimmy Hoffa Found In Indianapolis Basement Office

[Chuck the Writer]

JOE NEWMAN, WORTH CHRISTIE TO FORM NEW BASKETBALL LEAGUE
Confirmed as sign of the Apocalypse

[a1sports]

ABA adds 4 more Rochster Franchises:
Rochester, Montana. Rochester, Wyoming. Rochester, Indiana. Rochester. SD


ABA Files suit aganist NBA
Says they have the rights to the letters "B" and "A"


ABA to add excitement to game. Will add third basket at half court.


ABA and National Bulgarian Combine form alliance.
CEO states " We are partners with NBC !"

[ABARedWhiteBlue]

Team Plane Bound From Hawaii to Mainland Reportedly Lost At Sea
Despite Setback, Hurricanes Defeat Buzz 131-98

[a1sports]

80 year-old Houston player loses game for team at Buzzer
Throws up his used Depends instead of the ball
Chichester says its worth at least 1 point

[TheStandard]

Imperato bestows Papal Knighthood to Joe Newman . Newman gives Imperato a team in Malta. Imperato mentions that Turner Sports is affiliated with Malta since Ted Turner owns the rights to the Maltese Falcon.

[skippy]

"Family and Friends Disappointed as Basketball Game Interrupts Dance Team Auditions"

[TheStandard]

Championship Team is ordered to by their own trophy and it ends up looking like a Cracker Jack Box prize.

[skippy]

"Confused Geriatric Found in Basement, Convinced he ran a basketball League"

[TheStandard]

"Egg McMuffins in Indiana have been found laced with a chemical that causes Lunacy"

[rams80]

"ABA expands to Yoknapatawpha County"

Yoknapatawpha Beardawgs first team located in a fictional county.

Owner Maurice Grenier-What's a Beardawg? I don't know, but it sounds cool.

[Dunker1]

3-D Light Mishap Catches ABA CEO's Hair on Fire!

Chichester institutes league wide ban on acrylic hair.
Fiery ABA CEO is quoted as saying, “Incident was mean spirited and shameful,” blames NBA, NBDL, CBA, PBL, and wigmaker!

[TheStandard]

"ABA Says league is up for sale at the price of 60 million dollars, The Six million price was a typo from unethical leagues such as the CBA, PBL, BSN, NBDL & The IBL"

[tbayz1]

"Minorities in any city with 10k will be found"

[TheStandard]

"80 Year Old Dies after being crossed over by midget and a bounced check from the owner"

[a1sports]

Janitor turns off lights in high school gym. stops ABA game in progress.
SAYS.. I didnt know there was a game going on, I thought it was just kids from the local YMCA

[a1sports]

ABA CEO SHOOTS POSTMAN,MILKMAN AND UPS DRIVER
SAYS< I know one of them is the PBL mole or the CBA mole

[TheStandard]

gwizzlies Hire Chris Fells As Their Pr Man. No More Errors!!

[tbayz1]

The Aba Reno Team Really Liked Their Open Tryouts In A Parking Lot That They Have Decided To Play All Of Their Home Games Out There!!

This Is The Start Of The Drive-in Basketball Game, No Movies, But Face Paced, Affordable, And Family Friendly Entertainment In A Lovely Outdoor Environment!

[TheStandard]

"Bolo Yeung hired to Coach Macau, who will play in Compton"

http://img.gkblogger.com/blog/imgdb/000/000/024/082_2.jpg

[a1sports]

http://www.chaosscience.org.uk

ABA star Red Skelton meets 2 fans after a game
SAys he hopes to be traded to the Utica Wreckers, hasnt recieved meal per diem money in months from current team

[a1sports]

http://www.pelletlab.com/images/b_small_skeleton_05.jpg

[Paul S]

From the Halifax Gazette

Visiting team actually shows up to play Rainmen!!!!


From the Onion

ABA to play full schedule

From Pacific Daily News of Guam

Agana to get pro team in ABA

From the Montreal Journal

Cette ligue, la ABA, il est Merde

From ______(insert any small town paper in the USA here)

_______ to get an ABA franchise

From the National Enquirer

Owner makes profit in ABA

[ABARedWhiteBlue]

Libertarian Party Announces Imperato/Newman Ticket for 2008 Presidential Race

and in related news...


Hades Reports Record Cold Spell

[a1sports]

Jesse Jackson and AL sharpton Buy ABA franchise
ABA CEO promises to remove the white from the ball

[tops804]

CHARMIN NAMED OFFICIAL TOILET PAPER OF THE A.B.A.

"It's just the right thickness to write my bad checks on..."
Exclaims A.B.A. CEO Joe Newman.

"...and hey, C.B.S. airs Charmin commercials...Charmin sponsors us,
we are now a part of the C.B.S. network!!!"

[tops804]

Webster's Dictionary adds new definitions for 2008.

"A.B.A. Franchise": Group of 5 or more people.

"A.B.A. Crowd": Any empty room.

[tbayz1]

ABA Game for Family of 4 at the local highschool--$30
Snacks-$5
Seeing the jainitor that you remember from high school playing cause the team needed a 5th guy--Priceless

[TheStandard]

http://www.starwars.com/community/fun/caption/2005/02/img/caption180.jpg

Lando Calrissian buys a franchise called the 45's. They will play in a galaxy, far, far away

[TheStandard]

Daniel Imperato gives Papal Knighthood to Ron Jeremy who will be part of a new Turner Sports TV Series called Which Team will Fold First

http://www.worth1000.com/entries/137500/137672kqSP_w.jpg

[TheStandard]

http://www.cbamuseum.com/media/cba00.jpg

"The ABA Decides to Dethrone Joe Newman and Put this other Incompetent but better fool to run the league"

[TheStandard]

http://www.theadvocates.org/celebrities/images/al-goldstein.jpg

Al Goldstein hired by the ABA to become the VP Of Entertainment


---True Story. Al was homeless again. Until my Brother gave him shelter at his apartment.

[tops804]

ABA HIRES O.J. SIMPSON AS SPOKESMEN

"Now, at least we'll get some CNN and ESPN Coverage!!!" -- Joe Newman says

[bomp]

http://www.pelletlab.com/images/b_small_skeleton_05.jpg

Who stole Joe's wig???

[TheStandard]

http://pics.livejournal.com/rosemarypepper/pic/0007axp8/s320x240

Egg McMuffin is now the Director of Officiating for the ABA

http://images.channeladvisor.com/Sell/SSProfiles/50000018/Images/6/1a175.JPG

After PONY did not Pony up their 10k. British Knights sneakers were bought from a bootlegger in Macao for the amount of 10 thousand egg mcmuffins and Joe Newman's muskrat toupee

[a1sports]

Dateline: Feb 1, 2008
ABA schedule for 2007 is finally Done
The only two remaining teams in the league Strong Island and Vermont to play each other
SAYS ALex , It was only a small glich I really dont have a problem with the schedule coming out a tad late, and Joe is a great guy

[a1sports]

ALfred E. Neuman named President of ABA MArketing
ALfred says we will turn the sports world on its ear with new innovations. Starting MOnday all ABA teams will be renamed to NBA names.So, Andersen will be renamed the LA Lakers, Vermont will be renamed the New york Knicks, Strong Island will renamed the SAn Antonio Spurs, Manchester will re named the Chicago Bulls

[tops804]

THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER

ALIENS LAND IN RENO, NEVADA...SEE ABA GAME ---
REPORT TO HOME PLANET --- "No...There really is no life on earth..."

[tbayz1]

hahahah^

This thread is great

[tops804]

U.S. MINT ANNOUNCES

Joe Newmans photo to be on new $10,000 Bill

5 different ABA franchises to be featured on new 4 cent
piece per year. Program figured to last until 2147...

(4 cent piece to be worth 3 cents unless stolen from behind half court)

[a1sports]

[SIZE="5"][B]ABA to have special Night honoring Chichester the head ref
[B][SIZE="3"]ALL blind people will be admitted free and one will be chosen to ref in the ABA finals

[tops804]

ABA GRANTS EXPANSION FRANCHISE TO ATLANTIS...

"Bermuda Triangles" to play onboard ship on Atlantic Ocean

Brad Hester -- "We can't help it...the visiting teams
just keep disappearing on there way out there..."

[cglue]

The Houston Takers which will starting their season in November has just agreed with a deal with Howard Judah's attorney, a deal of a lifetime. The Takers have a 10 million life policy deal that will pay them 25% of the policy if Howard Judah expires during the season. Talking about a drop dead deal, that damn Larry is a clever piece of work.

[psbf]

Howard Judah? I thought you were going to say Howard Johnson.

[TheStandard]

The Houston Takers which will starting their season in November has just agreed with a deal with Howard Judah's attorney, a deal of a lifetime. The Takers have a 10 million life policy deal that will pay them 25% of the policy if Howard Judah expires during the season. Talking about a drop dead deal, that damn Larry is a clever piece of work.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! Larry, Had me rolling over the phone about this one. I had to put him on. I had to tell him about this post. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. THIS MADE ME LAUGH TOO HARD. Man the whole phone conversation was hillarious.

[tops804]

Water named as official sportsdrink of the A.B.A.

[tops804]

A.B.A. ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR 2018 EXPANSION

C.E.O. declares: "Kids...it isn't to early to break into those piggy banks...."

[a1sports]

ABA CEO announces new service for companies
He will cash your checks for free
We already have an ABA bank account so why not let everyone else use it.

the following are welcome to use the ABA account for deposits

American Bar Association
American Board of Anesthesiologists
American Banking Association
American Beverage Association
American Brewmasters Association
American Boating Association
American Booksellers Association
American Bottling Association
and of course will accept checks for the CBA and PBL

[tbayz1]

The ABA, the league where teams sport the finest quality mesh reversable jerseys since 2000!

[Chuck the Writer]

MISSISSIPPI MIRACLES STILL TRAPPED IN WILMINGTON AIRPORT, 6 MONTHS LATER
Team Owner Won't Leave Airport Until She Gets Reimbursed by Joe Newman

[a1sports]

New ABA money game for 2007-2008 Season
The winning team gets to buy ABA stock
Says ABA CEO, We did have money games last year and we would like to pay those winning teams but we are having a problem finding them.

[a1sports]

ABA announces "Franchise Fridays"
FIrst 100 people to call into Indianapolis and give their credit card number get a franchise. Hurry, because there are only 3,873,871 cities , towns and villages left without a franchise
Offer void for Andersen residents

[a1sports]

ABA CEO to go to supreme court, claims anything with the word or letters "american" in it he is in control of it
Says he is now CEO of North and South Americans

[a1sports]

ABA announces affordable franchises in its new Suspended Division.Its great for those who only have $ 4.25 in their check book. An outstanding business model. You pay a franchise fee then the CEO will suspend you and you will have no further expenses. Think of all the fun at cocktail parties, you can say I am an owner in the ABA. ! Chicks will dig it, Guys will be jealous. And if you want to be a tough guy ala Mark Cuban you can always throw in. yea but Im suspended !

[tops804]

A.B.A. Team shop proud to announce:

Pre-sale for "I bought A.B.A. season tickets...
and all I got was this darned t-shirt", t-shirts.

As well as our ever popular
"I bought an A.B.A. franchise and all I got was this
darned t-shirt.", t-shirt.

Both $29.95 each (Check only please)

[tops804]

Report: A.B.A. Close to T.V. deal

Comedy Central & Soap Opera Network both feel A.B.A.
"...may fit their programming genre..."

[tops804]

SPORTS LEAGUE FIRST

A.B.A. TO FIELD TEAM OF INVISIBLE MEN FOR 08...

The "Philadelphia Experiment's"...committed to playing
in the place of any team suspended by Joe Newman in '08
season....

"It may be one-sided...But at least our fans will still see
friendly, fact-paced, affordable basketball....", comments Newman.

Anyone interested in not playing for the Experiments...We will have
$250.00 (non refundable/check only) tryouts at a later date...
(Remember, it may look good on your resume....).

[tbayz1]

The ABA welcomes a new expansion team from Kenya!

"They're a fast group of guys and can really play well in the ABA's fast paced, fan friendly, affordable, and high quality ABA games!"

The name will be called the Kenya Runnerz!

[tops804]

A.B.A. adds team in Jacksonville for 2007

Indianapolis, In. (10/10/07)
Joe Newman, ABA CEO is pleased to announce the addition of the
Jacksonville Chumlies, in time for the 2007-08 season. "We don't like
adding teams this late in the season. However, we all did our homework,
and things really happened fast. I had already penciled them in
as a 2008 franchise, but Mr. Tuxedo (Jacksonville's owner) really showed
me that he was set to begin play now!!!"

Look for Jacksonvilles website, venue, and player tryouts to be posted
soon!!! "We are really excited to be bringing affordable, fast, friendly,
family entertainment to Northeast Florida...", added Newman. "Florida
deserves this style of basketball, and we are more than happy to be
bringing it to them... Mr. Tuxedo brings many fine years of business
leadership to the A.B.A... And believe it or not, the Southeast United
States is our target area for 2008 expansion... M.T. enterprises has
already offered to help secure more cities and arenas in the Southeast."


Be sure not to mention Jams exit...Act like they never existed.

Playon sports -- a division of Turner Broadcasting (tm)

Planning a party? The Jacksonville Chumlettes dance team is available
for private parties and community events NOW!!!

[a1sports]

JAM JAMS JOE JOYOUSLY
ABA CEO SUSPENDS JACKSONVILLE

"They didnt follow my business model, plain and simple Says the ABA CEO. They were NOT suppose to pay players and not suppose to be in a 5,000 seat arena, they were NOT suppose to have a web site and a dance team that visited Highschools. They were NOT suppose to sign A TV deal. DO you need any more reasons? They are suspended! UNtill they, not pay players and show me that they have only a few dollars in their account and stiff a fews sponsors will I even consider having them back in the ABA. Why they didnt even miss a game last year, SHAMEFULL. I will sue the PBL untill all the investor money runs out, oh, never mind..........

[a1sports]

JAM LEAVES, VERMONT SAYS, PLAY BALL

With the news of another successful franchise leaving the ABA for greener fields, Alex of VERMONT SAYS, WELL THAT CLEARS THE LOG JAM OF TEAMS THAT ARE GOOD BUSINESSES IN THE ABA. ASkED IF HE STILL CANT SEE ANY PROBLEMS IN THE ABA AND HE RESPONDED, WHAT PROBLEMS , LETS PLAY BALL.

[tops804]

A.B.A & JAWS MARKETING ANNOUNCE RECORD DONATION TO TOYS FOR TOTS

Indianapolis, Indiana (December 15, 2007)

Toys for tot's saw a record donation today when Santa Newman and his
elves brought a truckload of merchandise to their downtown dropoff
location. "These are items from our 'suspended' franchises that weren't
selling very well...So I thought, why not donate them to the underprivileged
children...", stated Newman.

With this donation, the children can look forward to receiving water bottles, rally towels, inflatable fingers, bang sticks, travel mugs, license plate frames, etc. All with collectable logos of defunct A.B.A. franchises like Reno, Buffalo, all three Chicago's, and others. "Don't worry...", added Newman, "...only the bad children
will receive merchandise from that mean Jacksonville team...".

When overheard saying "at least it's a tax write off...". Newman snapped and
said, "No...what I said is Texas is right off...one of our model franchises."...
"These mean spirited critics...they always try to make my good intentions
look bad...".

Then, after leaving a stack of "Reserve a Market" applications at Toys for
Tots headquarters...Newman headed to his basement office, to write on
ABALIVE that: "Toys for Tots is now an official affiliate of the A.B.A.".

[a1sports]

[SIZE="4"][B]ABA and the"Great Race" merge
[SIZE="3"]ABA season ends Nov 1, 2007

[B]In one of the most amazing marketing moves,the ABA CEO has announced that the ABA and GREAT RAce have formed a partnership that will change television. Any ABA teams that are still out there on Nov 1 will have a chance to be in the great 8 . All they have to do is be one of the first to reach Halifax by 7pm Nov1 , 2007. Why wait till March says ABA CEO, this way we can tell everyone that all our teams would have played a 36 game schedule. It really cuts down on expenses in having a season. Just follow my business model says ABA CEO. Halifax, Vermont, Corning, Strong Island, Quebec, Syracuse, Manchester and Jersey have already qualified by calling me and asking for some travel money. HOuston did protest my decsion says ABA CEO but they needed to have a phone in order to qualify. If I would have been called says LArry I would have built a bike and beaten everyone there. SAys ABA CEO,whats going to be fun is that none of these teams can cross the border and Ill have to declare ANderson as the champs ! but its all in good fun for the family. so stay tuned to playon and watch the hysterics at the border.

[a1sports]

ABA HAS NEW STAT AND NEWS SYSTEM
[SIZE="3"]
Basement, Indiana. ABA CEO Has announced today a new system that will keep all fans informed and up to date on player stats and team news. "Just click onto OSC" says Joe. Everything you want to know will be on there. Its a cost effective system and the teams in the league only have to pay the ABA $ 1,000 dollars a year. This is a great deal. what other league has over 200 corespondents posting news daily on the ABA? I check it daily myself to see which teams are around and if any more law suits are being filed aganist me and the ABA.[ OSC and the ABA, the way to go !/SIZE]

[tops804]

A.B.C. TO MAKE FANTASY ISLAND SPECIAL

Saturday 10:00 p.m. -- A funny old man lands on the island.
"Who it that boss?", asks Tattoo..."That, my friend, is Joe Newman...He
wishes to own a professional basketball league that is renowned and
recognized as the model sports league..."

Spoiler note: This episode is rumored to end with Newman stuck on the
island...After not selling a franchise on the island, he is marooned because
his connector flight from Reno, to Honolulu has mysteriously been cancelled.

[tops804]

October 29th, 2007

THE BOSTON HERALD
Boston Wins Series!!! -- Bostonian's Celebrate!!!

THE RENO GAZETTE
Reno Sharpshooters suspend operations -- Renoites Celebrate!!!

[tops804]

MAN COMES HOME FROM WORK

Breaks up A.B.A. game in his driveway...

----------------------------------------------------------------------
ROCHESTER FIRE FINDS WORTHY OPPONENT

Assembles taxi squad of patients from nearby Mayo Clinic

[Paul S]

Forget Al Gore. Joe Newman invented the internet.

Gore might have sponsored the bill to move the internet from the military application to public domain but the real key to the internet is how to make money from it.

Enter Joseph Newman from Indianapolis. Magpie to his friends, Joeseph Newman has fostered a business of selling franchises' in a basketball league online. Investors in the US, Canada, Bahamas, Beijing and Mexico have flocked to Magpies' league.

[tops804]

November 19, 2007
CORNING BULLDOGS CAPTURE N.B.A. CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

N.B.A. teams forfeit season fearing that they can't compete.

==================================================

JOE NEWMAN SUES "MEAN SPIRITED" N.B.A. FOR STEALING AN
A.B.A. FRANCHISE.

[a1sports]

EVERYTHING IS PERFECT IN THE ABA
so says ALex and Darren
We know of no problems

[tops804]

HISTORY MACON!!! ---GEORGIA GWIZZLIES TO PLAY 32 GAMES IN A 4 DAY FUNFEST!!!

Macon, Ga.
The Georgia Gwizzlies are proud to announce that they will complete a 36
game schedule this season. In order to accomplish this, they will be hosting
a 4 day/night "Spectacular" from February 14-17 at Bobs dance hall at the
I-75/Newmans Way junction. Fans are encouraged to attend and may be
asked to play in case of exhaustion, dehydration, or any other calamity to
either bench.

The Gwizz have invited several ABA franchises to send their uniforms in an
effort to look like we are playing more than one team. One lucky fan will
be chosen to pick an opponent before each game. In the event of one game
running over three hours, a second game will take place on the same court
simultaneously. We believe that this is the first time this was done in sports
history!!!

It is education night, and we are setting up a table of college brochures as
well as lectures by several key residents about staying in school. Just be
sure to be there when they are. This is your big chance to see sports history
as we plan on setting a Guinness world record on our drive to the ABA playoffs!!!

[BaseballKid3]

ABA Refs walk off the court at Halftime as team owner "BORROWS" money from hosting Academy AD to pay them!

Wait a minute that actually happened!