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View Full Version : Red, White, and Blue--The ABA movie


Fells
04-04-2007, 06:21 PM
Indianapolis(SAP--Smart Ass Press)

The ABA(American Basketball Association) has announced they have released its first endeavor into the movie business with the release of Red, White, and Blue--The true story of the American Basketball Association. The producers proclaim the movie as "Fan friendly and affordable entertainment for all".

The story begins in the days of six foot high afros and horrible plaid suits. The Denver Nuggets, the San Antonio Spurs, and the Kentucky Colonels. Brawls were common, and even encouraged as there were few fans in those days and fighting and the promise of free cocaine with each paid admission were the main draws.

After many years of mediocrity, the league and men like Dan Issel, Rick Barry, and Doctor "Six foot high afro" J, moved on to the NBA as the fights were down, and the DEA started raiding McNichols Arena on game nights, therefore reducing the crowds down to nuns and members of Narcotics Anonymous.

It was many years later where in his Indianapolis basement that Joe "Magpie" Newman(Played by Nick Lachey) realized his dream of owning a real professional basketball league. Magpie had always dreamed of riches that were aside from his endeavors into real estate and motivational speaking. Basketball was always on his mind, and how better to get rich than providing fan friendly and affordable entertainment to fans, while destroying minor league basketball at the same time.

Newman and associate Brad Hester (Played by Louis Anderson) brought back the red, white, and blue basketball, the seven second rule, and the four point shot. They then brought in Tom Chichester (Played by Al Pacino), who thought of ways to bring bright lights and Christmas to ABA arenas which is where the "3-D Rule" was born.

In the basement of his Indianapolis home, Newman would come up with plans to bring 100 teams into his grand league. "We will go to San Francisco, to Calgary, to Gallup, to Vermont, and onto Utica!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

49 folded teams later, and a playoff system in shambles, the league was at an impasse. In the sequel, "Pink, purple, and polka dot basketball", Magpie will leave his basement for the first time since the last owner's meeting with new plans to fold teams from sea to shining sea.

TheHulk
04-04-2007, 06:27 PM
Will Ferrell is producing and playing in a movie about the ABA. It should be out in the Fall.

LASportsFan
04-04-2007, 06:39 PM
Fells, excellent work.

You know, that actually isn't a bad idea at all. I would definitely pay to see that movie.

It would actually be more entertaining if it actually just was a mockumentory (aka Borat) with all real footage just spliced together of the league's real blunders.

If there are any Hollywood execs out there that read this board, the ABA would make for EXCELLENT reality tv.

Maybe they could do a spinoff of "Big Brother." ---- "Big Brother ABA" w/ Brad and Joe, a few of the crappy owners, etc in the house. Can you imagine the fit Joe would go in to if he didn't win HOH? HAHA!!!

DaveHolmes
04-04-2007, 06:48 PM
Someone should really do a documentary about the current ABA.

Maybe have two guys visit every team during the course of a season and conduct interviews with whatever team/league personel that wants to speak.

The Sweeper
04-04-2007, 06:49 PM
Not bad, Chris, not bad. Hope Chuck doesn't want a stake of the profits for mentioning Utica.

A few things...Get rid of Lachey. Have Kevin Federline play Joe (he was working at a fast food place last time he was on TV).

I'd pick Bobcat Goldthwait to play Tom. I'd want someone as irritating as some of Tom's calls. Can't have an Oscar winner like Pacino playing Chichester, unless you get DeNiro to play Joe.

"Magpie will leave his basement for the first time since the last owner's meeting with new plans to fold teams from sea to shining sea."-But he fails to see his shadow, so he reverts to the basement for 6 more years of collecting market reservation fees.

Fells
04-04-2007, 07:12 PM
Not bad, Chris, not bad. Hope Chuck doesn't want a stake of the profits for mentioning Utica.

I will fight him for the profits.

A few things...Get rid of Lachey. Have Kevin Federline play Joe (he was working at a fast food place last time he was on TV).

I'd pick Bobcat Goldthwait to play Tom. I'd want someone as irritating as some of Tom's calls. Can't have an Oscar winner like Pacino playing Chichester, unless you get DeNiro to play Joe.

Actually, Tom and Pacino look a bit alike.

"Magpie will leave his basement for the first time since the last owner's meeting with new plans to fold teams from sea to shining sea."-But he fails to see his shadow, so he reverts to the basement for 6 more years of collecting market reservation fees.

More good wine out the nose..............

tbayz1
04-04-2007, 07:23 PM
hhahahahha nice one Fells, i cant take anymore of this humor, cos i have a laptop and cant replace the keyboard, luckily i keep liquids out of reach while reading this forum ;)

The Sweeper
04-04-2007, 08:03 PM
You talking about coming up out of the basement was too good to pass up, Chris. You should have known that there would be a Groundhog day reference coming.

Pacino and Chichester might look alike, in some way. To put the two as being equal would be paramount to: Robin Williams is unable to perform tonight, taking his place, Tom Arnold!


I know you know this but, 'ABA' and 'profit' will never occupy the same phrase, unless its:"In the past 6 years, the ABA has never produced a profit."

And, if you do put Pacino as Tom, DeNiro as Joe, you got to put Joe Pesci as Brad Hester.

Sam Hill
04-05-2007, 11:45 AM
You know, the faux stories and press releases were good once. Chuck did a nice job. It was funny. It was clever.

It's not anymore.

Minor League Man
04-05-2007, 12:15 PM
You know, the faux stories and press releases were good once. Chuck did a nice job. It was funny. It was clever.

It's not anymore.
Okay, so when did they stop being funny?

LASportsFan
04-05-2007, 09:25 PM
You know, the faux stories and press releases were good once. Chuck did a nice job. It was funny. It was clever.

It's not anymore.

Sam, most people find it funny. You're in the minority. If you don't like it, leave.