Anonymous Hardhat
02-23-2005, 10:58 AM
I thought this was one of my funnier (at least in my mind) posts, so I put it in this room as well.....
Is anyone else annoyed at Joe's continuous stream of Open Letters to various audiences? Joe recently sent one to the Calgary Drillers Fans, as if all 5 of them regularly visit the ABALive website for the completely outdated schedule, the entirely stale statistics and totally unreliable standings. However, just in case they do, Joe wanted to be sure to tell them that the failure of the Calgary Drillers had nothing to do with Calgary (of course not, it had everything to do with the fact that you admitted another unqualified owner from Florida and entrusted the management to a man who has ruined every franchise that he touches) and that the ultimate failure was due to the ability of the team to travel to away games and visiting teams to travel to home games (which is something that any First Grader would have figured out before he sold the franchise to the owner from Florida and told him to invest $100,000s in the market). It was almost as bad as the one he wrote to the Nashville fans and the NBA fans. Do you think that Joe even thinks about the content of these Open Letters before he sends them? Do you think he believes them? Better yet, do you think anyone that reads them actually believes them? My guess is that the answer is no to all of the foregoing.
I can see it now... Open Letter to Bankruptcy Court. To the Honorable [Grim Reaper], I would have attended the ABA's bankruptcy hearing today with my lawyer Dick Tinkham, but I was too busy putting the finishing touches on the franchise agreements for another 1,000,000 expansion teams for next year. Not to worry, I will make sure that we pay all of our debts to creditors going forward. (I hope you don't see my fingers crossed behind my back.) We will be succesful, I promise. How can't we with the family-friendly, fast paced, yada yada brand of basketball that I keep lying to everyone about? (By the way, has Dick ever told you about the 3-D Rule? Isn't it great? I'm sure the NBA will adopt it next year.) Anyway, if we have 1,000,000 new franchises per year at $20,000 and bring in a gazillion fans at $5 per ticket, we'll make like... lots of money. That should be enough to cover our debts, shouldn't it? If not, I will have 1,000,000 people come into court and pay them in a nanosecond, right after they takeover the 999,999 expansion franchises that failed from last year. Like I said, we will cover our debts. In the meantime, please take it easy on Mary Liss. I know she's a repeat customer, but she needs to have her debts erased in time to start my twelfth franchise in Colorado by midseason next year. Also, please tell Dick that I will talk to him when I return from my trip to Bermuda. (You're not supposed to know that, so I hope you're ignoring this letter like everyone else. I might not come back if things don't get better.) In closing, I just want to remind you that I love your court and I sincerely hope that we re-enter it again next year after we get our debts erased this year. (Oops, I don't think that sounds good, but I don't know how to change these standard press releases.) Oh yeah, if we don't pay our debts going forward, I will donate all of the red, white and blue basketballs that are at my daughter's house to your son's or daughter's rec league. Can we call it even then?
Is anyone else annoyed at Joe's continuous stream of Open Letters to various audiences? Joe recently sent one to the Calgary Drillers Fans, as if all 5 of them regularly visit the ABALive website for the completely outdated schedule, the entirely stale statistics and totally unreliable standings. However, just in case they do, Joe wanted to be sure to tell them that the failure of the Calgary Drillers had nothing to do with Calgary (of course not, it had everything to do with the fact that you admitted another unqualified owner from Florida and entrusted the management to a man who has ruined every franchise that he touches) and that the ultimate failure was due to the ability of the team to travel to away games and visiting teams to travel to home games (which is something that any First Grader would have figured out before he sold the franchise to the owner from Florida and told him to invest $100,000s in the market). It was almost as bad as the one he wrote to the Nashville fans and the NBA fans. Do you think that Joe even thinks about the content of these Open Letters before he sends them? Do you think he believes them? Better yet, do you think anyone that reads them actually believes them? My guess is that the answer is no to all of the foregoing.
I can see it now... Open Letter to Bankruptcy Court. To the Honorable [Grim Reaper], I would have attended the ABA's bankruptcy hearing today with my lawyer Dick Tinkham, but I was too busy putting the finishing touches on the franchise agreements for another 1,000,000 expansion teams for next year. Not to worry, I will make sure that we pay all of our debts to creditors going forward. (I hope you don't see my fingers crossed behind my back.) We will be succesful, I promise. How can't we with the family-friendly, fast paced, yada yada brand of basketball that I keep lying to everyone about? (By the way, has Dick ever told you about the 3-D Rule? Isn't it great? I'm sure the NBA will adopt it next year.) Anyway, if we have 1,000,000 new franchises per year at $20,000 and bring in a gazillion fans at $5 per ticket, we'll make like... lots of money. That should be enough to cover our debts, shouldn't it? If not, I will have 1,000,000 people come into court and pay them in a nanosecond, right after they takeover the 999,999 expansion franchises that failed from last year. Like I said, we will cover our debts. In the meantime, please take it easy on Mary Liss. I know she's a repeat customer, but she needs to have her debts erased in time to start my twelfth franchise in Colorado by midseason next year. Also, please tell Dick that I will talk to him when I return from my trip to Bermuda. (You're not supposed to know that, so I hope you're ignoring this letter like everyone else. I might not come back if things don't get better.) In closing, I just want to remind you that I love your court and I sincerely hope that we re-enter it again next year after we get our debts erased this year. (Oops, I don't think that sounds good, but I don't know how to change these standard press releases.) Oh yeah, if we don't pay our debts going forward, I will donate all of the red, white and blue basketballs that are at my daughter's house to your son's or daughter's rec league. Can we call it even then?