Utica Wreckers Use "Little Rox" Derivative for Character Development

[Chuck the Writer]

The 2007-08 ABA Champion Utica Wreckers hope to spread the blessings of character development throughout the Mohawk Valley and beyond, by spreading their own promotional products, similar to the recently-announced ABA "Little Rox" campaign.

"Where are we, in Utica?" said Wreckers team owner Michael Tuckman, who was recently bailed out of the Utica Jail for committing the crime of drinking a Schaefer Beer within Oneida County limits (where only Utica Club, Matt's Premium and Saranac is allowed to be imbibed). "There's something more plentiful in this town than rocks - considering we've got farmland, four animal shelters and the Utica Zoo - I decided to put together my own marketing campaign, and instead of Little Rox, the Wreckers will be handing out 'Little Turdz.'"

The Wreckers have already put together a website, http://www.littleturdz.com (http://www.poopreport.com), with such language as: Thank you for visiting the Little Turdz web site. Now, you can take part in a worldwide movement to bring character development to the forefront - and to help bring peace, hope, security and fertilizer to the world.

With the purchase of a Little Turdz and signing the Declaration for Charmin-anity, you will be helping Little Turdz to spread this important message.

Please choose one of the options below and help with this unique mission. And be sure to take the message to your family, friends, relatives and business associates. You don't have to be #1... as long as you're at least #2.

The Little Turdz series features several different freeze-dried pieces of remains, each specifically themed for character development. "Cow Chips" symbolize the open farmland, while "Dog Logs" stands for what our nation means in the world. "Kitty Litter" reminds of the cunning and aloof nature of our world, while "Horse Manure" contributes to the strength of our great nation. Other forms of "Little Turdz" include "Bat Guano," "Donkey Dung," "Beef Cookies," "Road Apples," and a special brand straight from the Utica Zoo, "Rhesus' Feces."

Each "Little Turdz" is specially hand-crafted and carved by local Utica craftsmen, so that no two "Little Turdz" are alike. Then each "Little Turdz" is wrapped in a gift box with some special straw and hay inside, so that your "Little Turdz" is safely on its way to its final destination.

"I figure we get these things for free around the neighborhood," said Tuckman, "and then all we do is box 'em up, slap a $25 charge - plus $15 shipping - and we'll make a fortune selling this crap! It might even pay for our new uniforms for next season in the ABA!"

More to follow....

[Chuck the Writer]

I'm still having a good laugh over Joe's latest money-swindling scheme, "Little Rox." This stuff honestly is making ABA Salute look legit.

In fact, I just noticed that one of his "Rox" is Dolomite.

http://www.littlerox.com/rox.cfm?id=6

Of course, what does that have to do with Rudy Ray Moore or Petey Wheatstraw?

http://www.dolemite.com/

Of course, the "Dolomite" stone is supposed to symbolize endurance, so maybe an album like this -

http://www.dolemite.com/discography.php?album_id=24

- might actually symbolize what Joe's Little Rox are talking about.

Although it still seems like Little Turdz to me...

[nksports]

I don't know a whole lot about Little Rox, but Joe sure has a huge pair of large stones.

[Moose Lewis]

I have been quiet as I have been battling medical problems as of late. However, upon returning to this site, I am visibly upset that a project we have been working on-has been "bastardized" and blatantly ripped off. For several years now, I have been given sh*t when I stepped into the basketball arena. With the popularity of OSC, you can imagine the stockpile of sh*t we have accumalated. To alleviate the overstock, we have been working on an infomercial to "spread" the word about our new product that is available only on the internet "KaKa in a Kan". We have begun to recycle all this sh*t we have been given, will sell it around the world, and all profits will benefit "The Moose Foundation" and the way of life it provides. Only postal money orders accepted in the amount of US$19.99 which includes shipping and handling. Please make money order out to "Committee Against Sh*t Hazard" or due to space constraints-simply use the initials "CASH". Questions may be directed to GiveCrap@SportsMoose.com
Thank you for your support. Please do not accept the imitations out there. Our sh*t is the genuine stuff and is the result of hours of time applied to this project. Remember, sometimes it is better to eat sh*t than to not eat at all!

[Chuck the Writer]

I don't know, Moose. The Wreckers have close access to the Utica Zoo and are certainly able to produce enough moose turdz for their project. But thanks for the offer. :)

[Moose Lewis]

The next thing I will read is you will be giving it away-but I think you will still try to "steal" my turdz-cause I heard from a good source you are shameful. :)